Sunday, October 25, 2009

They long to be close to you.

Hello, hello :) It's that time of the week again, except I didn't exactly blog last week but yes. Have been extremely busy and tonight is one of the few nights I'm not exactly doing anything.It's nearly 11pm and I'm sitting down with my shorts and a bowl of super noodles (instant noodles) blogging, listening to music, thinking, and most of all.. missing a shit load of people and wishing you guys were all right here with me, cramped pack into my little room :) I'd imagine the things with you guys, individually. I dream about walk in the parks with Dennis, hand in hand whilst talking about everything and nothing at all like we always do. I dream about walking up and down Union Street, shopping and having a ball with Amilyn. Fawning over books and walking about the campus with Rebecca. Eating and eating and eating while talking and laughing really loudly till people give us dirty looks with Chloe (and shopping too!). Meeting up in quaint little cafes with lovely soup especially and really good desserts with Fauzi. Walking about M&S with Diana, discussing groceries! and all the products. I honestly, really miss you guys. And if I've not mentioned you, don't worry about it. I miss a shitload of people now. Can't possibly list everyone out ;) If you think I'd have a reason to miss you, I probably do. :)

I must say tho, Emotional Eating will be the death of me. That's fo sho'. I have just finished the whole bowl of super noodles (which was very yummy btw) and I'm still hungry! it is so uncool. I had a foot long sub for lunch, ice-cream sundae and cheese baked vegetables for dinner and about 4 slices of toast with margarine for breakfast. My eating habits are extremely appalling but hmm. What to do? -.- Oh well. At least I have been trying to get some uh physical exercise into my life. Not that it will be much of a help considering me eating.

The thing is, since tonight has been the first night in many nights I'm alone in my room and of course I sat down and thought about my life. And I was thinking about so many things it sort of overwhelmed me. Alice comes in to have a little chat, I talk and then I burst into tears because some things are just so overly frustrating. I'm not home-sick. It has nothing to do with Brunei. But, just some of my issues over here. I wanted to be able to call either Chloe or Becky because they always have something to say to make me feel better. But I can't because there's the whole 7 (soon to be 8) hours difference. No, I wasn't gonna wake them up just to listen to me whine about how undecisive I am and how I'm not ever sure about my decisions and all my what if's. No, I'm not all that selfish yet. Not yet. But Alice was a pretty good replacement :) She listened to me, gave me honest replies, I burst into more tears, we talk a bit and then she leaves and I start my emotional eating regime. Just stuff myself till I can't feel anything. Till I feel sick and want to sleep and I don't know. Just that, if you know me, you'd know I absolutely hate making decisions. Especially when the decision depends solely on me and no one else can make the decision for me. I hate it.

I'm still unsure about my decisions. Time will only tell if everything will be alright. Halloween's in a week. Brunei and Christmas and family and friends in about 2 months. Am I excited? I don't know. I certainly can't wait to see the bunch of you :)

I guess I'll go. I'll post up pictures real soon! :) Its been a while since I've put a whole bunch of text up, I'd be guessing about 5% of you would read this whole thing. It's alright, you don't/didn't have to read. :) I love writing, it takes my frustration off things something. Like a diary, my blog where I just jot things down. Express myself..

Lots and lots of love,
Amelia x x x

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