Woke up from a dream that I was eating so much steak. I think this is the result from watching too much Masterchef over the past couple of days. Also, woke up to Pepper staring at me intently waiting for me to wake so I can open the door for her and Scamp. Oh man, I'm going to miss these doggies so much. They really do warm my cold heart so much sometimes, like I have so much love for them I wish I could bring them everywhere with me. #crazydoglady
Like, the other day, I was sobbing into my pillows and I must've startled Pepper but she was just sitting there looking at me with such sadness in her eyes and licking my elbow, it almost felt like she was telling me that it'll all be okay, don't be sad.
But, I can't help it. I am sad. I am sad, I almost don't know how to stay happy. I've gotten to this point in life where all I can be is happy for a brief moment and continue the rest, pretending I am happy. But I really am not. I sing happy songs and sometimes I feel like crying, or I burst out in tears and it's not normal.
My mind is haunted by thoughts. So. many. thoughts. You'd think it would be impossible to think so much but nope, not my mind. I think about everything, all the time. Even when I look like I'm just not really thinking about anything- I am. And then I get sad from all my thoughts.
I am tired today. I am tired everyday. I am pretty sure it's from over exerting my mind each night before I finally fall asleep and my dark circles under my eyes don't lie.
Thank god for concealers.